Blog 1

There aren’t really many differences when it comes to my private and public self. I don’t tend to get out much to begin with. It’s not because I’m afraid to be accepted or anything like that. It’s just that I’ve never really had friends growing up and I liked it that way. I always noticed how more friends’ means more problems and drama.

            When I’m alone, I just tend to talk out loud to myself just so I can clear my head out. Don’t worry, I don’t talk like what one would consider a maniac nor do I huddle in a corner saying in a hoarse voice “my precious.” I just feel like it’s a good way to let things out of my system. I mostly just rant. These are rants best kept to myself.  And when I feel like I’ve had enough listening to myself talk, I just crank up some music and clean. I like to believe it’s therapeutic. Finally, I like to read. Rousseau once said, “I hate books. It teaches things we know nothing about,” but I like to think that when it comes to books, I don’t feel as alone as I really am. It kills time at least. Another thing I like to do is run around. I run around the house chasing my cat and he chases me back and scratches the life out of me. I enjoy the chasing, not so much the scratching.

            Now, in terms of my public self, people have told me that they believe I’m “with it,” that I’m normally up for anything. I find this to be true because I really am. It’s nice to get out of the house once in a while and breathe the fresh polluted air of my neighborhood.  When I’m with my friends, I say the same things to them that I would say to myself if I were alone. I normally just point out anything that I observe. Sometimes nobody get’s it, but most times people think I’m funny. That’s always a self-esteem booster. I guess the only difference would be is that there are certain things that I observe that I would never reveal. It would be pointless because no one would really understand them, not the people I hang out with anyways. I sometimes think way too maturely for my age. I’ve had the mind of a 36 year old since I was 11. That’s why I guess there are a lot of things I keep to myself.  I think that this one difference prevents problems for me. It’s anything but problematic. If I tell people certain things, then I think people will only get mad because I think too realistically.

            People can sometimes find me pessimistic but if I keep my mouth shut to my friends, then it’ll save people the time from calling me bitchy. Now, one might think then are these people worth being friends with. Well, for now they are. People come and go and that’s something I accepted a long time ago. There is only one person outside of my family that has ever understood me and that is the only person I will ever share my rants with. He’s the one friend that I hold dear to my heart because I know he will laugh when he thinks I’m crazy and then agree. He’s the only friend that has deserved to see my private self. Other than that, I do love my friends, but I know when someone is going to stick with me or not and unfortunately, people only look after him or herself. I understand this but I just wish once in a while people could be altruistic.